Memories
by ladyvader99
Summary: We've all read the sad tale of Snape's memories but what about what Lily remembers? Read and Review, rated M for future smut
1. The Playground

**AN: hiiii and welcome to what i hope will be a quaint, tidy story about the memories of lily potter. i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoy writing it and i'll do my best to not keep you all waiting in between chapters. please read and review and those are always great motivation on those days i don't want to write. i don't own anything in this fic, i just do my best to deliver smutty goodness. xoxo ladyvader99**

She sat back in the rocking chair, listening to the distant sounds of James playing with Harry and grinned with contentment. Her gaze shifted about the nursery, the walls painted a light green, the crib a stark contrast with it's almost black wood.

Tonight they were safe.

Her muscles started relaxing, the tension draining away as she lifted a hand and gently rubbed one side of her neck. Her other hand held tight to the small journal she'd been writing in and she thought about what to write tonight. These entries were for her little boy one day, if he even cared about reading such a thing. Her bright green eyes wrinkled at the corners as she smiled again, and looked over at the things sent from various members of the Order for Harry's first birthday. There were lollipops from Hagrid (like she'd let Harry ruin his teeth on them!), a picture book from Minerva, a toy broomstick from Sirius, and even a poster with the Hogwarts crest on it from Albus. She decided to hold off on the writing and hang the poster, so she left the journal on the rocking chair and found some mismatched tacks to pin it up over Harry's crib.

She giggled a little to herself as the badger ruffled his fur and the lion roared, and she trailed her fingers over the emblem, sighing as they touched the emerald and black of Slytherin.

Maybe she'd start at the beginning for Harry.

She withdrew from the newly hung poster and returned to the chair, picking up her journal as she did so. It all seemed so long ago...

_I was nine when I was first fully aware of what I was. The notion that I could make things happen when I just thought the words...it was absolutely life altering! It'd be small things like turning a light on and off or making a glass shatter, but I admit, it was scary for a girl my age! Luckily, we'll be here to guide you through all of that, my son._

_Your Aunt Petunia and I had been at the playground a block from your grandparents' house and we were just swinging like any other pair of girls. I was the more reckless of Tuney and I so I was unafraid to swing higher and higher and she was frightened for me. I was enjoying the wind in my air as I carelessly jumped off my swing and she was screeching at me, "Lily, don't do it!". Of course I still did and I remember thinking to myself, land safely, land safely and it felt like I was flying for a few magical moments._

_ Honestly, I knew it had to be magic...I landed light as a feather, if you can believe it, Harry! Tuney was on the edge of tears as she ran up to me and I dusted my hands on my little pink skirt. She was always so fussy and she kept yelling at me, "Mummy told you not to!" and "Mummy said you weren't allowed, Lily!" I always laughed off her concerns and I remember trying to show her that what I could do wasn't dangerous so I picked up a tiny little blossom off the ground and showed her the flower in my palm, willing each petal to open and close like some kind of weird flower hand. Of course, anything unusual frightened poor, sweet Tuney, so she kept yelling at me to stop so I grudgingly did so. I ended up letting it fall to the ground and we stood next to each other for a moment. She whispered to me,"how did you do it?" and I didn't know how to answer her._

Lily stopped her entry there as she felt that jolt of electricity run through her, as it did each time she thought of him. She shouldn't feel guilty about omitting some of it from her son, but some of it wasn't important to these kinds of stories. Hmm, or maybe they were _too_ important to share. She lay her head back on the chair, red hair falling from behind her ear and she gently closed her eyes, remembering. A gangly boy had come out of the bushes then, hair askew and full of eagerness. He was the one who told her she was a witch as his pale cheeks turned pink with a blushing excitement. He'd leaned toward her 9 year old self and whispered it softly and she'd reacted in a negative manner as she hadn't shared her powers with anyone but Tuney and this boy knew all about it. She'd wanted to talk to him about it but Tuney opened her big mouth. Lily had glanced back at the boy, glaring. He should have known better than to bring it up with Tuney around!

The next day she had gone back to the playground alone but he never showed up.

She had felt abandoned that day in the playground.


	2. The Secret Place

**A/N: wow! i just put up this story so i'm exceedingly thankful for the nice review i've gotten :) i hope this second chapter is to your liking and always, please read and review, it truly makes my day xoxo ladyvader99**

She sighed and tucked her rebellious locks behind her ear and absent mindedly fondled the emerald studs adorning her lobes. She had hated not being able to discuss these happenings with someone who knew about them. She had sat in her room for long hours, wondering when she would see that boy again, wondering when she would be able to talk to him without Tuney there. Lily smiled to herself when she recalled playing hide and seek with Petunia only to not look for her and race to the playground to see if the boy would be there. She didn't dare go to the neighborhood Tuney had mentioned...it was darker in that part of town, in more ways than one.

Finally, on a spring day she met him at the playground again. Petunia had fallen sick and she'd begged her mother to let her play on the swings. She had just turned ten for goodness sake!

She saw him on the edge of the play area, kneeling in the gravel, large overcoat trailing behind him. She'd watched him for several minutes, inching closer, not wanting to disturb him. He didn't notice her, turning over rock after rock, dully tossing them aside. She had lightly tapped his shoulder, afraid suddenly.

What if he didn't remember her?

What if she remembered something that hadn't even happened?

All of these thoughts vanished as a grin lit up his face and his black eyes sparkled in the sun light. He took her small hand in his and squeezed.

"I knew I would find you again."

Lily's face had lit up and she'd pulled him to her secret place, a little ways from the playground. The creek running through their little town ran through a grove of trees she liked to read in, undisturbed and a thought crossed her mind for just a moment: why bring him here when she'd never brought her own sister?

She had stopped suddenly and whirled around to face him. She studied the face, pale with dark hair framing it, nose a little large but full of character, lips thin but beautiful in the smile he wore, eyes black and shining, crinkled in their corners.

She had smiled again and released his hand, only to stick hers toward him.

"I'm Lily Evans! Pleased to meet you!"

Her smile had faltered at his blank face and he'd finally grinned again and took her hand in his.

"I'm Severus Snape. It is fantastic to meet you, Lily Evans."

They had sat beneath those trees cross-legged on the ground and talked the afternoon away. She learned about his unhappy home life and her heart went out to him as he removed his huge coat coat and she could see his oddly mismatched and ill fitting clothes. Everything that he said enraptured her and she asked question after question, excited that there were special schools for learning magic and there was even a Ministry, a whole seperate Ministry that took care of the magic users, the...what had he called her? Witches and wizards of Britain.

She felt chills run down her back as she listened to him explaining some of the rules.

"…and the Ministry can punish you if you do magic outside school, you get letters."

"But I _have_ done magic outside school!"

"We're all right. We haven't got wands yet. They let you off when you're a kid and you can't help it. But once you're eleven and they start training you, then you've got to go careful."

She swallowed hard. She'd be eleven in less than a year. How on earth was she going to wait that long! He had told her about magic wands and she felt a longing in her chest. She blinked hard as tears suddenly came to her eyes and she half heartedly waved a twig in a loop. She looked at Severus out of the corner of her eye and softly said, "It is real, isn't it? It's not a joke? It is real, isn't it?"

"It's real for us," said Snape. "Not for your sister. But we'll get the letter, you and me."

"Really?" whispered Lily.

"Definitely," said Snape, and she blushed at the sight of him just then, sprawled on the grass, wonderfully confident. She scooted a little closer to him, throat dry.

"And will it really come by owl?" Lily whispered.

"Normally," said Snape. "But you're Muggle-born, so someone from the school will have to come and explain to your parents."

"Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?"

She had been looking at the ground at that point and almost felt the tears fall when Severus hesitated. She glanced up, green eyes shining and met his black eyes, eager in the green light of the trees, and waited.

"No," he finally said. "It doesn't make any difference."

"Good," said Lily and it felt like a weight was lifted from her shoulders. She lay back against the cool grass and watched the clouds.

"You've got loads of magic," said Severus as he reached for her hand again. "I saw that. All the time I was watching you…"

His voice trailed away and she took that moment to ask him again about home.

"How are things right now at your house?" Lily asked.

He'd squeezed her hand a little hard when he answered with a quiet, "Fine."

"Are they still arguing?"

"Oh yes, they're arguing," he said. He sat up and scooted away and she did as well, watching him pick up fistfuls of leaves and grass. He began ripping the poor things into shreds as he looked elsewhere, anywhere but her and she almost didn't catch him saying, "But it won't be that long until I'll be gone."

Her breath caught. He couldn't leave when she needed him! He had to be there when the letters came!

"Doesn't your dad like magic?"

"He doesn't like anything, much," he said, still not looking at her.

"Severus?"

She noticed a smile twitch in his face and she reached for his hand.

"Yeah?"

"Tell me about the dementors again."

"What d'you want to know about them for?"

"If I use magic outside school - " she said, her voice wavering.

"They wouldn't give you to the dementors for that! Dementors are for people who do really bad stuff. They guard the wizard prison, Azkaban. You're not going to end up in Azkaban, you're too - "

He had stopped talking suddenly and she was curious as to why his face started to turn red and why he started shredded more leaves. She heard noises behind her and she saw her sister, trying to hide behind a tree. Why was she out of bed?

"Tuney!"

Lily had stood up and brushed off the seat of her pants when she heard Severus yell at Tuney. She turned to look at him, puzzled as he kept shouting.

"What d'you want?"

Petunia had been clutching the tree trunk, gasping for breath and she pointed at Severus and Lily's face crumpled as she recognized the look on her face. Tuney always got that face when she made fun of Lily and made her cry. She braced herself for the mean things coming.

"Ew, what is that you're wearing, anyway? Your mum's blouse?"

Lily screamed when a branch above Petunia cracked and began to fall. It caught Petunia on the shoulder and she started to cry, clutching her arm. Lily immediately started toward her sister but she was running away, faster than Lily could keep up. Lily didn't understand and she remembered feeling hurt and turned to look at her newfound friend.

"Did you make that happen?"

"No." He looked at her, and she could see he was a little scared. She didn't know if she should believe him because he could do magic things like she could. Branches didn't just fall by themselves, did they? She felt tears fill her eyes again and she stared him down.

"You did! You hurt her!"

"No - no, I didn't!"

She started walking toward home, looking back at him one last time, her face scrunched up and his face becoming fuzzier and fuzzier through her tears. She gasped a little as the tears began to fall and she began to run.

It had taken her several days to get Petunia to forgive her and several days more to look for Severus. She had wanted to apologize...she knew he hadn't done that, wouldn't have done that. Again, she checked the playground for weeks afterward and she didn't see him.

Again, she felt abandoned but this time, she felt like she deserved it.


	3. Hogwarts

**A/N: Thanks to all of ye who took time out of your busy day to read this little story of mine and reviewed it. It means the world! I hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving and here's your reward for patiently waiting. As always, please leave kind words for me as I work on chapter 4 and i don't own these characters no matter how much i wish i did. enjoy xoxo ladyvader99**

Lily shook her head to clear out those childhood memories. Things had been so complicated back then. Kids will be kids she supposed. She stared down at the rest of the blank pages waiting to be filled with memories and sighed. Severus seemed to fill most of her beginning brushes with magic. James always hated him so and she loathed to cause any further trouble when it came to Sev. Even now, as far away as he was, she yearned to speak with her old friend. She felt the hot sting of tears and counted, first to ten, and then to twenty, and then she counted more until the unfallen tears subsided. She gently pressed her fingertips to the corners of her eyes and began to write another entry.

_One of the best memories I have is the first time I rode the Hogwarts Express. I was mere months away from turning twelve and as grown up as I tried to act, the sight of the bright red train stole my breath away. Of course your Aunt Petunia was being a downright pansy, whining about not going. I swear, I must have consoled her day in and day out. I know she hated me because I wouldn't be attending her posh school. Mum and Dad had packed me up the night before and I was proud of my almost black Macasser ebony wood trunk (so fancy!). The platform was swarming with people and I hurriedly climbed aboard the train, shy of course, but I kept a smile on my face. _

_This was the very first time I was around people my age, people who could all use magic! I kept running my hand over my brand new wand nervously and I sat in the very first compartment I came to._

Lily groaned to herself as she read over what she'd written. Why couldn't she write what really happened? Of course she **had** been excited to see the shiny train and it was all she could do to keep pace with her family. They had ridden the Tube all the way to central London and then a tram to King's Crossing. Petunia had indeed whined the entire way, flip flopping between not wanting to be with "her lot" and moping that she wasn't going to Hogwarts herself. Lily had just chalked it up to Petunia being a normal teenager and had done her best to ignore her. When they'd finally figured out how to enter platform nine and three quarters, she'd felt a fresh burst of energy, only to have her stomach knot up at the sight of Severus straight ahead of her. It'd been almost a year since she'd seen him and he had grown a few inches. He had avoided her after their last encounter and even though she had swallowed her pride and walked up and down Spinner's End, she had never found him. Her green eyes had met his black ones and she almost immediately averted her gaze, a blush rising to her cheeks.

She tried to look anywhere but him as her parents prodded her forward but he seemed to command her attention and it took a moment for her to realize the thin woman next to him must be his mother. She felt dazed as the woman nodded at her parents and Severus allowed a ghost of a smile to light upon his lips. She was much taller than her own mother, but pale like her son. Lily opened her mouth to say hello but winced in pain as Petunia grabbed her arm and pulled her away.

"I don't know why you have to leave me, Lily!"

"I'm sorry, Tuney, I'm sorry! Listen - " She reached for her sister's hand and held tight to it, even as Petunia struggled against her grasp.

"Maybe once I'm there - no, listen, Tuney! Maybe once I'm there, I'll be able to go to Professor Dumbledore and persuade him to change his mind!" Lily had gone through this with Tuney before but she seemed past listening, no matter how much Lily pleaded.

"I don't - want - to - go!" said Petunia, and she dragged her hand back out of Lily's grasp. "You think I want to go to some stupid castle and learn to be a - a…"

Lily had felt her sister's judging gaze travel over the odd scene at the platform, the familiars and trunks, and yelling and knew that her tears were pointless.

" - you think I want to be a - a freak?"

Lily's eyes had begun to fill with tears and tried to look at Petunia but she again attempted to pull her sister toward her.

"I'm not a freak," cried Lily. "That's a horrible thing to say."

"That's where you're going," said Petunia with that special meanness she reserved just for Lily. "A special school for freaks. You and that Snape boy…weirdos, that's what you two are. It's good you're being separated from normal people. It's for our safety. Now you can be freaks together."

Lily felt her heart harden at her sister's words and she glanced toward her parents, who were looking around the platform with an air of wholehearted enjoyment and were oblivious to the conversation being had and she glared at her sister. She didn't want to come? Yeah, right! Lily braced herself and plunged forward with a secret she had been guarding for quite some time.

"You didn't think it was such a freak's school when you wrote to the headmaster and begged him to take you." She whispered fiercely at her sister.

Petunia had immediately turned redder than Lily had ever seen her turn before.

"Beg? I didn't beg!"

"I saw his reply. It was very kind."

"You shouldn't have read - " whispered Petunia and Lily began to feel slightly ill, "that was my private - how could you -?"

Lily gave herself away by not meeting her sister's searching gaze and Petunia gasped.

"You found it! You have been sneaking in my room!"

"No - not sneaking - " Now Lily's stomach was definitely churning with guilt and she felt genuinely sick. Oh, why did she have to say that! "I saw the envelope, and I couldn't believe a Muggle could have contacted Hogwarts, that's all! I thought there must be wizards working undercover in the postal service who take care of - "

"Apparently wizards poke their noses in everywhere!" said Petunia, and Lily felt terrible. Petunia's voice had slowly become monotone and her face had gotten paler than Severus and she'd venomously whispered "Freak!" before standing next to their parents and refusing to speak another word. Lily had tried to inconspicuously wipe her eyes and forced herself to kiss her family goodbye as she boarded the train. She snuck one last look at Petunia and leaned against the corridor wall for just a moment and closed her eyes. The gentle rocking of the train let her know that they'd left the station and she clutched her bag to her chest, head down and wandered down the train, looking half heartedly into the compartments before settling into one that was empty.

She stared off into the London buildings that flew by her window, lost in thought and barely registered the fact that a couple of boys joined her compartment. They had tried to engage her in conversation but she had shrugged them off, breathing hot circles onto the window when to her surprise, Severus had walked in and sat across from her. She had tried to look down as her silent tears had left her eyes quite red she expected but he'd gently lifted her chin. She was highly embarrassed to have been found by him of all people in that state and she pulled away from him.

"I don't want to talk to you," she said hoping against hope that her voice wouldn't crack. To her dismay, he didn't move.

"Why not?"

She heard the gentleness in his voice and that was enough for fresh tears to spring forth.

"Tuney h-hates me. Because I found a letter she'd written to Dumbledore."

"So what?"

"So she's my sister! I know she wanted to come here too and she hates me!"

"She's only a - " He quickly stopped talking at the look she gave him and she used the sleeve of her shirt to hurriedly wipe her eyes.

"But we're going!" he yelled and she felt her heart warm at the excitement in his voice. "This is it! We're off to Hogwarts!"

She had nodded and smiled up at him. He had looked at her for a moment and then leaned toward her and her breath caught in her throat as he said, "You'd better be in Slytherin."

She couldn't tear her eyes away from the intensity in his and for a moment it had seemed like time had slowed and she opened her mouth to say something when one of the other boys in the compartment spoke.

"Slytherin?"

Lily giggled to herself remembering how unkempt young James Potter's hair had been but he'd been such an _ass_, she had hated him for quite some time. She had also hated how mean he'd been to Sev, how mean he still was.

"Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" the boy who had spoken said as he roughly elbowed the boy lounging next to him. He didn't smile and fetching as he was, he didn't seem too pleased at messy boy's statement.

"My whole family has been in Slytherin," he said.

"Blimey," said messy boy, "and I thought you seemed all right!"

The other boy suddenly grinned and said,"Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"

Messy boy had held his hands above his head as if gripping a sword and yelled, "'Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!' Like my dad."

Lily and Snape had snickered at this display and messy boy had whirled around, face pink.

"Got a problem with that?"

Severus had immediately quieted and stood in front of Lily, protecting her from this boy's hurt ego.

"No," said Severus, and she felt a quiet pride in how he spoke, and the way his eyes were lit up with determined contempt at this rude boy. "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy - "

"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" interjected the other boy and Lily flushed with anger as messy boy began to laugh. She stood up quickly and glared at both the boys, her eyes burning holes through them. She grabbed Severus's hand without thinking and led him out the compartment.

"Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment."

She began to blush as the two boys imitated her girlish voice and said, "Oooooo…"

They had luckily been able to find another empty compartment and she had fallen asleep against his shoulder, listening to his happy chatter about things they were looking forward to. He had been so warm and firm and she'd felt groggy when he'd gently woken her so she could change into her new school robes. He had left the compartment and stood guard outside as she pulled it over her regular clothes and she felt immensely satisfied with the way the black cloth fell against her; it had almost felt like the most natural thing in the world! When the train came to a stop, she'd shadowed Severus, latching onto his hand as she quivered in fear before the huge carriages that were drawn by ghosts (it _had_ to be ghosts!)and he helped her into one of them before sitting next to her. She remembered feeling frightened as the carriages ambled through tree after tree and she felt utterly awe struck at the sight of the castle looming before then. They had shared a grin and squeezed each other's hands until the carriage came to a stop. A stern looking teacher had them line up alphabetically and Lily had moaned as Severus gently hugged her close and left her side. Lily had kept glancing back at him for those reassuring smiles he'd thrown her and she gasped audibly as the group of first years entered the Great Hall to be Sorted. Severus had told her all about Sorting, about how a hat decided which House you would belong to for all of your schooling, how it was the most important thing ever.

She had waited in line, head swivelling to take it all in, eyes shining with tears of awe when the teacher (_Professor_) had said, "Evans, Lily!"

She had frozen in place and the other students had gently nudged her forward with whispers of "go!" and she'd trembled all the way up to the rickety wooden stool. The Professor dropped the Sorting Hat onto her head, and she heard a gravelly voice chuckle in her ear and it felt like eons that it had first sat on her dark red hair and then the hat cried out, "Gryffindor!"

She wrenched off the hat, teeth clenched in a grin so wide it made her cheeks hurt and hurried toward the cheering tables to her right, glancing back at Severus, her brow furrowing in momentary sadness. Her small frame was immediately crushed on all sides from welcoming Gryffindors and she felt her lip curl at the sight of one of the boys from the train and she crossed her arms before turning her attention back to the remaining students to be Sorted. She held her breath when Severus's turn finally came and she whispered to herself, "" with her eyes squeezed shut and it again felt like an eternity as the hat sat upon Severus's head. She felt her heart sink as the Sorting Hat cried, "Slytherin!"

Their eyes met as he moved off to the other side of the Hall, away from Lily, to where the Slytherins were cheering for him, and their gaze held until he was swallowed by a sea of black and emerald.


	4. Kiss

**A/N: i apologize for the wait! this will probably be my last update in 2011 so i shall see you in the new year and we will welcome the deepening romance between lily and sev as 4th years! i hope you enjoy this chapter and as always r&r - xoxo ladyvader99**

Lily set down the journal and walked to the window across from Harry's crib. The sun was setting and she closed her eyes as her forehead rested on the cool glass. There was no way she could write these entries and omit her memories with Sev.

What was she going to do?

James certainly wouldn't be pleased she'd mentioned him, but she couldn't lie to her son. Her face firm with determination, Lily stepped away from the window, swallowing hard. If she was going to write down everything, she'd write down _everything_. It took her several minutes to edit her prior entries, adding in Sev where she'd left him out. It might be a bit embarrassing for Harry to read all of this, but in the end, she'd have to ultimately decide on actually giving it to him.

Frenzied with renewed vigor, Lily turned to a blank page and continued writing. She described her first week of classes, how odd she found all her teachers to be, friends she made, how she'd almost gotten lost getting to Charms, how she hadn't seen Severus for almost two weeks after their Sorting. The first two years at Hogwarts had flown by, dotted by feasts and end of year exams and she didn't have anything extraordinary to write about. Sev and her had ridden the train back home together in their own little word for each break . Lily had ached for those moments to be alone in their compartments, pumpkin pasty wrappers littered about and she grinned each time she made him smile at one of her jokes. They'd traded secrets about their common rooms, whispering like conspirators over some master plan.

It was in one of those secluded compartments that Sev had first kissed her.

It had taken her completely by surprise. She'd been in the middle of going over a potion recipe Professor Slughorn had assigned over the summer holiday and she had stopped talking abruptly, curious at the expression that had fallen across Sev's face. His hair had gotten longer and the front bits had fallen across his eyes as he'd leaned forward, studying her.

"What?" she had asked. "Do I have something on my face?"

Her hand had lifted to her cheek, so as to quickly brush off anything lurking and he'd gently stopped her, his hand covering hers. Sev had closed the distance between them quickly and the seconds ticked by until he pressed his warm lips to hers. Shocked, she had pulled away, her now free hand covering her lips. She had felt the tingle long after they'd parted ways and she had berated herself for days after for not saying anything the rest of the trip. What did it mean? She hadn't kissed anyone before and this was Sev! Her one true friend had done something so alien, so **wonderful**, and she didn't talk to him after? She had laid in bed, going over that single moment that had felt like hours. The feel of his lips, rougher than her own, gently pressing against hers made her shiver; the gentle suction at her bottom lip right before she pulled away. She resolved to find him the following day so she could apologize for her behavior.

She remembered waking up bright and early, dressed with care and set out to search for Sev. She first went to the playground and found it abandoned. Then to their creek where they had met several times during past breaks and that too was abandoned. She had stood in the shade, resting against a tree for quite a while, gathering the nerve to walk into Spinner's End. The shadows from the trees moved several times before she summoned up all her courage and walked resolutely toward the neighborhood. She'd scarcely turned onto the first street there (Wraithlynde Way) when out of nowhere appeared Sev and his eyes had widened at the sight of her. Quicker than she could blink, he'd pulled her into a grove of trees and looked over their shoulders several times as he kept leading her back toward their creek. She trotted along behind him, wrist still clamped in his hand, and winced as mud caked on her good shoes. Finally they came to a stop and she smoothed her hair, self-conscious that it was messy. She looked at his back, about to ask him about their train ride when he rounded on her, his face red with anger but his voice soft.

"What were you thinking, Lily? How could you put yourself at risk and come to Spinner's End? Surely you know what kind of people live there and if they'd seen you, do you not know what they do to Muggle born? Promise to never come there again!"

He let go of her wrist then, black eyes imploring her silently to heed him. She stared at her shoes, feeling that familiar tingle in the nose when tears are about to make an appearance. What could she say? She felt unsure and then angry the next moment. How dare he chastise her! She jerked her head up and met his gaze, her eyes alight with fury.

"Don't talk to me that way, Sev! I only went there to find YOU. I don't care what they do to me because I just wanted to see YOU!"

She hated herself slightly as her voice shook on the last syllable but his face didn't give away anything if he noticed. She frowned at him as he turned away and sighed.

"I went searching for you because...well...the train, Sev. What..." she licked her lips as her throat suddenly felt dry. Her stomach suddenly knotted itself up and she searched for words that wouldn't come. Severus's head had inclined in her direction, taking her words in but he didn't meet her gaze again. Lily balled up her fists and forced herself to continue.

"When I was going over Professor Slughorn's homework, you...you kissed me. Why?"

This time it was Lily whose head was down and she felt a blush furiously creep across her cheeks. Her face started to heat up as the silence stretched and she covered her face with her hands, her cool palms soothing her. Oh God, why did she say anything, why did she leave her house this morning!

Those seconds stretched into forever it seemed and she finally heard movement and she jerked her head up, half heartedly hoping he'd do it again, half wishing he'd come closer to her. Instead, he brushed his hair out of his face and looked at her, eyes searching her face for something.

"Lily, I shouldn't have done that without asking you first. I apologize deeply. You were just...irresistible."

He paused for several moments, and then sat down on a rock. Relieved he wasn't going anywhere, Lily crossed the few meters between them and stood in front of him. Her heart was beating so loud, she could have sworn he'd hear it and gently touched his hair. He'd called her irresistible. Her. Going on 14 years old Lily Evans. Something ached in Lily's chest and she didn't think she'd ever heard anyone refer to her in that way. It was incredibly adult and she trailed her fingers along his ear, tucking strands away from his eyes.

She couldn't bring herself to form any words other than "Thank you" so she leaned in and whispered it as she didn't trust her voice to not waver again. Before she lost her remaining nerve, Lily bent down and brushed her lips against his. This time she held hers there, savoring the velvety soft feel before breaking away. He had walked her home in silence and to her misery, her family had planned a trip to the beach for the summer and it was September before she saw Sev again.


	5. Oblivious

**A/N: wow! those holidays sure pulled a fast one on me. i hope you enjoy this chapter as severus and lily enter fourth year. as always leave kind or mean thoughts for me and i pinkie swear i'll try to upload faster! xoxo ladyvader**

A warmth spread across Lily's face as she remembered those first tentative, shy kisses. How much they'd meant to her! Even now as her fingertips brushed gently across her lips, she swore she felt the ghost of a tingle in remembrance. The summer at the beach had been lackluster and she'd struggled to take her mind of Severus with numerous activities but to no avail. His dark eyes lit with intensity appeared often in her dreams and she would feel her stomach twist at the thought of seeing him again. Petunia had noticed her change in demeanor and although Lily had tried several times to engage her in conversation or something as banal as shell collecting, Petunia had refused. Lily didn't know until much later if it was because of the two year age difference between them, Petunia's new boyfriend Vernon, or their different schools that came between the sisters. She didn't think Petunia talked to her much at all after the summer at the beach and again, she felt saddened. They'd shared so much as kids...maybe in the morning she'd try to give her a ring.

Lily turned her attentions back to the little journal held tightly in her hands and found the scratching noise of the pen against the paper utterly relaxing.

That September marked the first where she made the trip to King's Cross by herself, luggage in tow. She had packed her one trunk with the necessary things: school cloaks, supplies, books, new undergarments thanks to her mother's attentions to her growing body, and various outfits packed to get the attentions of one particular Slytherin. Lily swallowed her shyness and waited for the Tube, her chin pointed resolutely in her independence. She was damn near 14, what to be nervous about! So serious and stone set was her face, she didn't notice him at first, standing almost out of sight with an amused smile plastered to his pale face. It wasn't until he'd crept a little closer that she turned and met his gaze, a slow but happy smile spreading across her face.

"Hello, Severus."

He abandoned all attempts at hiding and stood next to her, his trunk in tow and he turned his face sideways to glance her way.

"Good morning, Lily."

Her cheeks had felt like they were going to burst at the sound of her name through his lips, those lips that had touched her months ago and she struggled to maintain her composure. They stood waiting in silence for the Tube that was due in roughly eight minutes and she started tapping her foot in anxiousness. What should she say? Her hand fumbled around in her coat pocket, clasping and unclasping around the single green shell she'd brought home from the beach with her. Her nonstop train of thought stalled momentarily by the sound of his voice breaking the silence.

"Lily, where'd you disappear to all summer? I tried going round your house and the creek but there was no sign of you. I must admit, I was quite worried."

Her heart sunk as she realized she'd gotten ahead of herself. She steeled herself in preparation of her bold words and looked him square in the eye.

"After...after we snogged, I returned home and Mum was in the middle of saying she'd booked us all a spot up north so we could enjoy the beach. Unfortunately, I was unaware she meant the entire summer! I was loathe to leave after not speaking with you about... well, everything."

Her words had the reaction she hoped for and she let a ghost of a smile cross her face at the reddening of his cheeks. She took a step closer, inhaling his scent. It must have changed in that past month. Before he'd smelled of the trees at their creek and now, he almost smelled of lemongrass and she could detect a faint hint of peppermint in his breath. As her face came closer to his, she noticed his breath catch and she touched his fingertips with her own, allowing the shell to press into his palm.

"I brought this back for you...it matches-"

She felt herself being crushed beneath his arms as he hugged her suddenly and she closed her eyes as she felt breeze from the Tube's arrival, signalling the end of their closeness as they boarded. They sat next to each other, and it wasn't long until his hand searched for hers and she leaned her head against his shoulder, content. The ride felt all too brief and he assisted with her trunk as they boarded the trolley. She kept a steady chatter, marveling at how Sev's entire face changed with he laughed and in no time they arrived at King's Cross, 20 minutes before the Hogwarts Express was to depart. At the platform, she stayed close by his side until that greasy, disgusting boy Mulciber waved at Severus and he walked over to greet him. She shuddered at the thought of Mulciber. He had a terribly reputation, being of the grabby sort and she unconsciously pulled her sweater closed as she looked over at him and Sev having a laugh. She was surprised to see James Potter staring at her from his little group of friends and he sauntered over to her, a cocky grin planted on his face.

"Evaaaaans. How was your summer?"

He flashed his dimple at her and she couldn't help but smile back at him.

"It was alright. How about you? Hang around that lot most of the time?"

He nodded and gestured toward her trunk.

"Do you need help with that? I could get you settled onto the train if you'd like."

She glanced at Sev who had entered a deep conversation with Mulciber and two additional Slytherins she didn't know. She sighed and gave a listless shrug toward James.

"Okay, but mind the trunk. I like it a lot."

She walked onto the train ahead of him, pointing at the first empty compartment she found so he could set down her trunk and plopped onto the seat, staring out the window. To her dismay, James sat next to her and smoothly put his arm around her shoulders. She recoiled from his touch, mouth set into a frown and eyebrow raised.

"Can I ask what you think you're doing?"

He grinned at her again.

"Just being friendly, Evans. What say you and I go steady?"

"I don't even know you, James so my answer is going to be no, now could you-"

"-leave her alone?"

She felt an immense relief at the sight of Severus standing in the compartment doorway and she noted his flushed face before she gently removed James' arm. Lily gave a thin smile before thanking James for helping with her trunk and turned her attention to Sev. He quickly sat down next to her and both tensed at James' muttering "Snivellus" before exiting. Severus' chest rose and fell with deep breaths and she covered the top of his hand with hers in an effort to calm him. He looked over at her and his brow furrowed.

"Do you realize how difficult it was to not hex him several times over?"

"I almost did it myself, Sev. Thank goodness you rescued me before I had points taken away before school even began."

They shared a laugh and with a booming whistle, the train left the station. Not ten minutes later, they heard a ruckus from further up the car and Severus stuck his head out the compartment door to see what was happening. Lily couldn't see much from behind him so when a silvery haired boy their age stopped in front of Severus, she strained to listen to his hushed voice.

"...come with us, Sev. Avery is doing...hahahaa, wouldn't you know the Mudblood started...your friend?"

The boy had peeked over Severus's shoulder and looked Lily up and down before sneering. Severus had tried to block his view of her but to no avail and he stiffly introduced Lily to the boy.

"Lily, this is Lucius, House Slytherin. Lucius, this is Lily Evans, House Gryffindor."

"Oh, thinking of mixing your snake with her, are you Sev? Either way, ditch the girl and come with us."

His steely gaze locked Severus in place and she felt her face turn red as she grasped Lucius' meaning. She swallowed the lump in her throat and spoke.

"It's okay, Sev. Go."

He glanced at her, his dark eyes searching hers for something and nodded slightly. He walked after Lucius and she spent the remainder of the train ride alone.

Lily strode right past Severus as he tried to get her attention outside of the Great Hall, head held high and it wasn't until several weeks later that he managed to corner her outside of their Potions class that she finally acknowledged his presence. Whispers of a failed stunt between him and James Potter were roaming around school but she refused to listen to them. She was still angry at him for abandoning her so she tried her hardest to tune him out when he finally spoke, her stubbornness winning over her want to talk. Frustrated, she couldn't keep her mouth shut for long.

"…thought we were supposed to be friends?" Snape was saying, "Best friends?"

"We are, Sev, but I don't like some of the people you're hanging round with! I'm sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber! Mulciber! What do you see in him, Sev, he's creepy! D'you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day on the train?"

Lily had reached a pillar and leaned against it, looking up into his thin face. He looked tired and she longed to bring comfort to him.

"That was nothing," said Snape. "It was a laugh, that's all - "

"It was Dark Magic, and if you think that's funny - "

"What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?" demanded Snape. Lily noticed his cheeks turning red as he said it and she detected a note of resentment. Her own cheeks blushed at what such a thing could indicate and although she yearned for her feelings to be returned, she struggled to keep a straight face.

"What's Potter got to do with anything?" said Lily.

"They sneak out at night. There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?"

"I've heard he's ill," said Lily. "They say he's ill - "

"Every month at the full moon?" said Snape.

"I've heard bits of your theory floating about school," said Lily, and she steeled her voice. Why couldn't he pay this much attention to her?

"Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?"

"I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are."

With that he glued his eyes to hers and moments. The intensity of his gaze made her blush even harder and she struggled for the will to remain still and calm. Lily focused all of her strength into her voice so it wouldn't crack.

"They don't use Dark Magic, though." She dropped her voice. "And you're being really ungrateful. I heard bits of what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, and from what everyone is saying, James Potter's joke went badly and he saved you from whatever's down there - "

Snape's whole face contorted and the color drained from her face as she saw the pain flit across it briefly and he spluttered, "Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends' too! You're not going to - I won't let you - "

Surprised by the fury she felt toward Severus, Lily stared Severus down.

"Let me? Let me?"

Lily's bright green eyes were slits. Sev had backtracked at once. If Severus couldn't notice she yearned for him and him alone, he wouldn't have even thought to bring up such a thing. How dare he insinuate she loved Potter of all people? Was he mad? Did he not notice the effort she put into dressing for Potions, how she went out of her way to borrow supplies, to touch his sleeve? Lily's fury made her face flush red for a different reason and she clenched her fists as Severus quickly tried to make amends.

"I didn't m ean - I just don't want to see you made a fool of - He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!" The last words seemed wrenched from him against his will and Lily smiled inwardly in satisfaction to hear the real reason behind his attitude. "And he's not…everyone thinks…big Quidditch hero - " Sev's dislike of James was already apparent to Lily, ever since the train to Hogwarts but she couldn't help but feel bewildered at Severus' inability to notice what was right in front of him. She would have to be more bold in the future as subtlety wasn't doing anyone much good at the moment.

"I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag," she said, interrupting his next sentence. "I don't need you to tell me that. But Mulciber's and Avery's idea of humor is just evil. Evil, Sev. I don't understand how you can be friends with them." She leaned in and looked into his eyes.

"The only person I care about is you."


	6. Lunch

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters, otherwise DANCE LITTLE PUPPETS, DANCE! xoxo ladyvader99**

* * *

><p>She struggled to keep her eyes locked on his and to her relief, he responded by cradling her face gently and kissed her with the practiced touch of a man instead of the 14 year old boy he was. Lily had eavesdropped on every romantic tale she could since returning to school and luckily her friends had been full of summer love stories so she decided to try something fifth year Hilary had gone on about. With her next breath, she gently opened her mouth and grazed Severus' bottom lip with her teeth. His immediate groan against her lips stopped her in her movements and she broke the kiss.<p>

"Sev?"

He cleared his throat and responded with that quiet voice of his as the corridor emptied.

"Yeah?"

"Would you...," she nervously licked her lips before continuing. "Would you, um...I've been thinking that it'd be ...well, quite wonderful really...if you weren't...uuugh, woodyubemuhboyfren?"

She furiously fought the need to break her gaze away from his and damn him for staying quiet for several moments before he leaned down, pressed his forehead to hers and whispered as his lips once more met hers, "Did you really have to ask, Lily? Of course."

She smiled in their kiss, and she lightly ran her hands up his arms until they came to rest on his broad shoulders.

"Walk me to Transfiguration?"

He nodded and loathe as she was to separate, Lily knew she'd see him fairly soon. Transfiguration led right into lunch and maybe they could share it by the Lake or somewhere on the beautiful castle grounds. She smiled to herself. Maybe even in a secluded dungeon...Severus had walked ahead of her while she lost herself in plans, and she gingerly took the hand he offered her, shouldering her book bag. She intertwined her fingers with his and grinned up at him mischieviously. He laughed and wrinkled his nose at her.

"And what is so funny?"

He raised their held hands.

"This. Just a few days ago, you were avoiding me as if I had the plague and now, I've had the luxury of kissing you again. It's baffling at the least. To think, all I have to do is this..." and he looked to make sure the hallway was empty before gently pressing her against the stone hallway, "and I can do this."

Severus tilted her chin up with his other hand and kissed her, but this time it was different. The earlier one had been soft, but sure. This kiss was hungry, almost demanding and Lily's eyes fluttered closed as she lost herself in it. She tried her lip biting trick on him again and while it worked exactly as it had before, Sev surprised her by coaxing her mouth open. Lily's mind raced as her pulse quickened. She didn't know what to do with herself. She'd heard some of her chums talking about this kind of kissing, this french kissing but didn't know the first thing about what to do. She tried to focus and follow his lead. She relaxed her lips and was shocked to feel the velvety smoothness of his tongue lightly touching hers. Tentatively, she rubbed his tongue with the tip of hers, careful her teeth didn't bump his, and channeled her feelings into the kiss. She pressed her lips to his a little harder, a little faster and finally, when she was out of breath, he pulled away with a smile on his lips.

She felt like her lips were swollen and anyone could tell what kind of tart she was. Surely nice girls didn't kiss all their boyfriends like that, did they? She returned his smile and they walked toward the classroom in silence. As they reached the shared room with the other Gryffindors, Lily felt his hand squeeze hers and she glanced at her classmates. Their shocked stares made her furrow her brow in confusion. She held her head high and stared them down.

"Is there a problem? Would you like to be introduced to Sev or do you lot want to carry on with your own business?"

The small group of Gryffindors dissipated quickly at the sound of her firm voice and she felt a sense of pride grow in the warmth of her chest. She turned to him and gave him a quick peck.

"Do you want to have lunch together? Maybe by the lake?"

His happy grin gave her all the answer she needed and she bounced into a class she knew she wouldn't be able to focus on.

* * *

><p>Armed with a new detention for scrawling S's on her notes instead of how to properly Transfigure a teapot into a tadpole, Lily all but ran to the great hall. Her brief scan of the hall showed Severus had yet to arrive so she squeezed in between two of her friends and gabbed away for a few minutes. To her chagrin, James Potter snuck up behind her and took the sandwich she was reaching for. She frowned up at him and ignored his attempts at conversation, choosing instead to inspect a napkin. Leigh unfortunately was racing away to meet up with her study partner before Potions (a subject Lily never had to worry about studying for, thankfully) and James smoothly slid into her seat, his back leaning against the table.<p>

"So, Evans, how about you and I go to Hogsmeade together next weekend?"

She looked at him blankly.

"James, that does sound quite lovely but I'll be going into Hogsmeade with Sev."

His face drained of color at her words and he turned his eyes to hers, his gaze stony and slightly hurt.

"That Slytherin? C'mon, Evans, let me take you out, he wouldn't know the first thing-"

"About what, Potter? Showing my girlfriend around a town full of shops and tea shops?"

Lily loved the monotone voice Severus reserved just for James and she smiled up at him, happy in his arrival. She glanced at James as she stood up and took Sev's hand.

"Y-y-your girlfriend!"

"Yes, James. I'm Severus' girlfriend and if you'll excuse us, we have a lunch date."

She quickly wrapped a couple of sandwiches, ignoring the shocked look etched on James' face and left the great hall without looking back, smiling inwardly at the attention from other students as they left the school grounds.

They kept an easy conversation about their classes, Lily regaling Severus with how she got her detention (cleverly leaving out the S's she'd doodled to get it) and Severus asking her opinion on a History of Magic essay. They both shared a laugh at the thought of Professor Binns repeatedly calling Sev "Mister Snack" and picked out a lone willow tree to eat under.

The grass was soft and after checking for ants, Lily leaned against Sev's shoulder, enjoying the mild breeze. As their talk drew toward earlier events, Lily felt her face grow warmer and warmer.

"Lily, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, aren't we best friends, Sev? You should be able to ask me anything."

"Earlier...I wasn't too rough with you was I? When I..." he licked his lips. "When I pressed you against the wall?"

Her heart began beating a little faster at the thought of their earlier kiss.

"N-not at all. It was lovely, actually."

Lily felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest so she did the first thing that made sense to her. She ran her hand up his chest and clutched a handful of robe as she pulled him toward her. He chuckled and met her lips softly. These moments were gentle and full of words not spoken and Lily shifted so that she was more on his lap instead of leaning into his shoulder. She bravely deepened their kiss, sandwiches laying forgotten on the grass. The wind tousled her hair and she was vaguely aware of his hands encircling her waist to pull her closer. She felt some kind of primal force driving her and she locked her fingers in his hair, pulling him even further into the kiss.

"Well, well, well, look what we have here. A snake and a lion."

Lily froze at the sound of the chilling voice and pulled away, only to glare at the silver haired boy from the train squatting a few feet away, hands in his pocket, as if he'd been watching them. She fiercely gazed at Severus, urging him to do something silently. Sev gently moved her off of him and he raised a hand in salute.

"Malfoy."

"Snape. What have we got here? A bit of a lunchtime tryst? Mind if I have a go?" The silver haired boy gestured toward Lily and she felt a fury set her face aflame.

"Not bleeding likely, Malfoy!"

She whirled her head around to Severus and nodded in Lucius's direction. Wasn't he going to do anything?

"Now, now, Malfoy, none of that. Lily is mine and only mine. What'd you want?

"Nothing entirely important...Avery was up for a bit of sport. Anyway, leave the lovely slag and let's go." Lucius stood up and began to walk back toward the school.

Lily snapped to her feet. How dare he call her that! She took two steps, yanking her wand from her robe, before Severus grabbed her wrist and shook his head slightly. He pulled her close to him and kissed her mouth opened in protest. She felt her anger slowly dissipate and she looked at him when he spoke against her lips, forehead touching hers.

"I love when you get angry. Your eyes blaze with such a fire in that clear, cool green. I love it. Don't listen to Malfoy. He likes to rile everyone up. I'll have a word with him, I promise."

She nodded and they walked back to school hand in hand.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hope you enjoyed it! I will do my best to make a super dupery long chapter next update cause I like where this story is headed :) read and review please!**


	7. Train

**A/N: Many, many, many apologies for the delay of this chapter. I made it extra long and extra smutty to win your forgiveness. Conventions, work, personal issues, and a new fanfiction all had their hand in why it took so long to get this next bit up for you! I'm planning on there only being 2-3 more chapters so enjoy and as always R&R! **

**xoxoxo ladyvader99**

It was odd being the girlfriend of a Slytherin. Fellow Gryffindors looked down their noses at you and the Hufflepuffs whispered tales of your looseness throughout the cavernous halls of Hogwarts.

Their fourth year was dotted with many stolen kisses, many insults to judging eyes, and many explanations to her classmates about her tall, mysterious boyfriend. The winter was dotted with several trips to Hogsmeade in which Lily and Severus were able to spend the day away from prying eyes and talked to each other about everything in their lives. Hopes and dreams were shared and Lily even confided in her secret choice for her firstborn: Harry.

Unfortunately their happy times were interrupted, if not by the silvery haired Lucious Malfoy, then by the obnoxious endeavors of James Potter. Luckily those rare trips home saved them from difficult situations and at home, at their creek, they could be alone. As their birthdays came and went, Severus turned sixteen and she fifteen, the leaves began to turn back to their emerald shade and Lily struggled with their deepening relationship. It became harder and harder to stop at just kissing. She fought with herself to keep her hands in her lap, even when his roamed over her back, up her shoulders, interchanging between cupping her face and lightly touching various parts of her legs and arms. It was maddening.

She wasn't dense...several of her friends had explored that next step with their boyfriends and none of them had dated longer than a year. Even now as the school year ended and she rode the train home, her face heated up at the brief moment Sev's hand had grazed her breast. He'd broken their kiss suddenly, and kept a distance from her after. She'd thought it sweet at the time but she couldn't deny her longing. She sighed and rested her head against the soft leather of the train compartment. Her fourth year had zoomed by what with studying for O.W.L. levels and the large amount of time she spent in Severus' company. She much preferred the cold weather of winter in which she could snuggle up to Sev's lanky build instead of the hot summer where it felt like she'd never be cool again.

What was taking him so long?

Sev had excused himself to the loo and lost in her thoughts, she gazed at her watch, amazed that he'd been gone twenty minutes. She shifted in her seat and bit her lower lip. Should she go search for him?

Lily craned her neck to see outside of the compartment door and saw a tall silvery head streak past. Her pulse raced and she sat back, sure her heart was beating hard enough to hear. She hated Lucius. He always stared at her as if she were naked and his blatant licking of his lips, made her cringe. Surprisingly, Severus had never caught him doing either of these things and much to chagrin, she started to feel like she was whining each time she brought it up, so it wasn't long before she dropped the subject entirely. She pressed herself as flat as she could against the seat, hoping he'd passed unnoticed, and thankfully he didn't see her. She exhaled and straightened her skirt as she noticed the lengthy hair of her favorite Slytherin come toward her. She raised her face, eyes meeting his cool, dark gaze. He stood still for just a moment, cocking his head and taking her in, thinking. It took a few more moments for him to come into the compartment, close the door, and pull the blind so no one could peek in. She had stood up by then, her head coming to his shoulder and she reached behind him quiety to put the small lock in place. The sun was almost completely gone and it was still two hours until they arrived back in London. Severus reached up for the delicate beaded string that turned off the overhead light and she ran her hands up his chest as it blinked out, her lips reaching up for his. She didn't need to search long before his thin mouth puckered into hers and her hands locked themselves in his hair. He held her by the waist and when he didn't move them out of respect for her, she resolved to let him know it was okay to explore. She pulled him down to the seat, gently tugging his strands, and kissing him deeper until he was comfortably next to her.

Lily could barely make him out in the faint light of the setting sun, but she smiled at him none the less, pressing one finger to his mouth as she removed her loafers, carelessly sliding them off as she sat on his lap, facing him.

She hadn't thought he'd be stiff already and the surprise of the hardness waiting between his legs sent chills running up her back and arms. She heard his sharp intake of breath and she again, entwined her arms around his neck, settling herself in his lap, the only thing between his erection and her, the dark, wine colored panties she'd chosen that morning.

"Lily, what are you -," he started to say, quietly.

She leaned down so her mouth was near his ear and gently exhaled as she nibbled his ear.

"It's okay, Sev. I just wanted a new way to drive you crazy." She whispered this as her lips grazed his lobe and trailed kisses down his neck, his hands iron clad on her hips, keeping her pressed tightly to him.

She took a brave mouthful of air and brought her hands to the bottom of his sweater and tugged it upward once. She could almost feel his inquisitive stare and she tugged it again before he got the hint and raised his arms enough so she could remove it. The car was slightly cool and she ran her fingers up his arms, fingering the light cotton of his undershirt. She smiled and leaned in, touching his lips again with hers, deepening the kiss with every grasp of hair, every touch of fabric. It wasn't long before they broke apart from air, and she felt the presence of his erection more than ever, but still his hands stayed at her hips. She smirked at him, knowing he couldn't see her, and placed her hands over his. Gently and slowly, she led his hands away from her hips and trailed one over her ribcage and the other, she slid under her white collared shirt.

"Wait."

She felt her face fall and hung her head in disappointment. As expected he pulled his hands from under hers and shifted her so she was sitting face forward on the seat. When he did not speak for several moments and she heard him shuffling in the darkness near her, she buried her face in her hands from embarrassment. She peeked through her fingers when she heard movement in front of her and sure enough a whispered voice reached her ears.

"Lumos Languidus."

A soft, warm light hovered above their heads just bright enough to cast a few shadows but nothing that could be seen from outside. Severus had kneeled in front of Lily, his chest almost level with hers and as he leaned toward her, she closed her eyes and slid herself foward so he was resting in between her knees. They shared one long, lingering albeit hesitant kiss and it felt like a dam had broke. Their kisses began to intensify, her hands again caught up in his hair and his resting on her knees just under her skirt. She quickly became frustrated and as she breathed heavily, she touched his chin with a finger and eyes glued to his, slid his hand up to her underwear and raised her eyebrow. He took the hint and stroked her gently through her underwear.

When the girls gossiped about their experiences, she had never imagined it would feel like this. Hot and aching all at the same time, a feeling echoed by the fire in his eyes. She'd never done this before and she was unsure how far she wanted to go. Another gently prod at her center stole her thoughts and she leaned back against the seat, reveling in the feeling. He straightened and leaned over her, one hand still caressing her below and the other bravely sliding under her shirt, up past her ribcage and finally cupping one breast. She smiled against his lips at his groan and on instinct, bucked her hips as he stroked a tiny bundle of nerves she hadn't known existed. She tangled her legs with his and then tugged him down so their bodies pressed against each other. He complied and as their kiss intensified so did their touches. She tugged at his undershirt, pulling it out of his trousers, and he shivered slightly as he felt her hands gliding up his stomach to his chest, around his ribcage to his back. He couldn't help himself and pulled her bra cup back just enough to pluck at an erect nipple and they broke the kiss long enough to shed their respective shirts before resuming it once more. Her white cotton bra was soon thrown across the room much to her momentary embarrassment at the lack of maturity it hinted at, and she sighed as a his hand again found her breasts, rocking upwards into him. Lily bit back a moan, the sudden desire to remove her dainty underwear at the forefront of her mind. Severus also seemed to have the same idea, so before he could, she lowered her hands to her skirt. He propped himself up on one elbow and helped her out of the skirt, both coming to an impasse when they refused to lose contact with the other. Finally, swearing softly, she wriggled free and viciously tugged at his trousers, removing his socks and shoes in the process. As Lily sat up to remove her panties, he grabbed her hand.

"Don't," he said, intently, and she shivered at the look in his eyes. Nodding, she moved her hands away, and he gently laid her back onto the seat.

She watched him hook his fingers beneath the scrap of cotton and he let out a ragged breath as she was finally revealed to him. Pausing, he let his eyes linger where they would, drinking in the perfect vision before him. Lily felt her face light up with shyness and she struggled to cover herself under his relentless gaze. How did she know this wasn't a dream, that she would wake up and find that this entire experience had been the result of a daydream spell and she would be at home having never met Sev in the first place? She was pulled out of her racing thoughts as he lifted one hand, shakily brushing a stray lock of hair off her face.

"You're…"His voice sounded hoarse, and he swallowed again before trying once more. "You're perfect, Lily Evans."

He kissed her once more, desperately, and Lily's hands slid up and down his back, and he nipped at her jaw before placing several open-mouthed kisses along her throat. She whimpered as he left a mark where her shoulder met her neck, and gasped when he moved to her breast, his soft lips enveloping the tiny bud. Now that she could feel him through only his boxers, she hesitated again. If she allowed this to happen, she wouldn't be able to take it back. She studied Severus for just a moment and when he kissed the back of her hand before leaning toward her again, her heart fluttered. She wanted her first time to be with Sev. No one would need to know. It'd be their secret. As she gently tugged at the last bit of fabric separating them, her eyes trailed down his body hungrily, mapping the angles and planes of his chest, caressing his flat stomach before drifting lower. She held his breath, watched as she realized that, though his penis was just like any other male's, it was much different than hearing about it or looking at it in a science book. She met his eyes again, all at once fearful and with her last bit of courage, she met his mouth in a searing kiss, once more reigniting the postponed passion between them. Her hands slid down his back, gripping at his lower hips, and he gasped before claiming her lips once more.

There was no gentleness this time. The last of her hesitance had been scattered to the winds, and the kisses were now deep and hungry. He matched her desire, squeezing her hands and she began rubbing wantonly against him and as he let out a deep growl, he sucked at the skin on her neck. Hearing the pleased noises she was making, he moved lower, nipping at her skin before soothing it with his tongue, peppering her skin with tiny red marks that declared, in no uncertain terms, that she belonged to him. Every reaction was catalogued, every moment she memorized so this single memory would be with her for the rest of her life.

When it felt like everything she was feeling, from the constant rubbing against her now moist mound to the almost painful kisses he showered onto her breasts, she found her legs wrapped themselves tightly around his hips. Needing no other encouragement, he thrust into her quickly, powerfully, only to freeze as pure, unadulterated bliss swept over her through the red hot sting of her innocence breaking. Lily was trembling, hardly able to believe that they were actually here, had taken this step, had stopped dancing around each other and their feelings. Finally.

She watched him as they moved as one, her hips rising and falling under him, and she was mesmerized by the sight of him moving above her. Her hands drifted around and down, resting lightly on his back, and she shifted, allowing him to penetrate deeper. Mouth dry, she arched up on instinct to kiss him, the action slow and languorous, matching the pace he had set as he entered and left her. Slowly, she felt a heat begin to build, magma turning into a wildfire, and as she felt a wave of pleasure rattle her straight through her bones, he stayed inside just long enough for her to finish and pulled away, his own orgasm causing him to collapse with his head on her stomach. It felt like hours to her when the sensations had finished sweeping through her body and when she sat up, she felt changed in a way that would be obvious to anyone looking at her. She smiled as he cleaned himself and sat next to her, pulling on scattered bits of his clothes, one of his arms wrapped around her waist. He stopped for a moment and idly connected the freckles on her arm. Her eyes were closed, a soft smile on her face, and she heard him speak softly, "What'd I do to deserve you?"

Blinking her eyes open, she looked over at him. "What do you mean?"

He shifted slightly so she could look at him easier. "I mean, I'm nobody. A poor wizard with an affinity for mixing potions. I haven't even taken my O.W.L. levels yet and now… now I get to be with you any time I ask. Why me? What've I done to deserve this?"

"Sev," she murmured, smiling tenderly. "You make me laugh and view the world through eyes that are calculating and able to see things I can't. You taught me what I was and I felt like I was going to be alone after knowing what I could do and suddenly, you were there."

He hugged her close suddenly and at that moment reality intruded into their private world. A distant horn sounded and they knew the train would pull into King's Crossing in roughly twenty minutes. They dressed in silence and when the time came, they went their separate ways, knowing they'd meet up at their creek soon.

**A/N: So what'd you think?**


End file.
